Dear Ex Wife....

Dear Ex-Wife*,

Why in the hell would I send you $1000 a month for one child? I know that the only reason you need that money is because the couch caved in cause your fat ass is always on it watching TV with the 8 programs your record a day on the DVR. And I also know that your new boyfriend just got out of prison and is looking for some drug money so that he can go back to his old ways of using and abusing. Or maybe he needs the money for the anal relapse surgery from all the showers he took in there. Doesn't have to strain on the toilet anymore does he? Probably doesn't even touch the sides on the way out before splashdown.

So if you think that you need this money any more then those underpriveleged children do that I donate to weekly, then you are dead wrong. I'm also donating money to those dancers on Friday nights. I feel sorry that those girls have to get naked to work their way through college, so I'm giving them money in hopes that they'll put their clothes back on and find a better life. Sure it costs hundreds of dollars everytime I go, but if that's the cost of doing something that feels right, then I hope I'm bankrupt.

And why is he always crying because you call him stupid cause he doesn't have one good grade on his report card? Stop telling him that you got straight A's in school when you were younger. The only thing your fatass got an A in was "Lunch". How do you get an F in P.E.? 75% of the tests in that class were written, all you had to do was study. I could see if they were mostly physical tests. Hell, you had to take a nap after tying your shoes.

Hopefully you get your life in order. I'm not going to pay you one more dollar than what was agreed upon.

*I don't have an ex, nor do I plan on getting a divorce. But if something ever happened, then this would be the most likely situation.

-Michigan