Dear Ex....

Dear ex-boyfriend,

I guess I don't really hate you, and I'm not angry. I just don't want you to be happy, ever.

See, I convinced you to stay for one more night to be with me, and 4 hours later, you were fucking my roommate. While I was still in the apartment. It was obviously time for you to go, but it still hurt my feelings the way you did it. Especially because you finished up and came to share my bed with me. And especially because she was engaged at the time, and you had met her guy and raved about how nice he was.

So what I want for you is a long life of disappointment. I want you to be miserable in your current relationship, and I want her to cheat on you the same way she cheated on her fiance and you cheated on me. I want you guys to break up, but not before you know the delicious pain of infidelity.

And after that, I want you to live out the rest of your days alone. Yes, you'll have girlfriends here and there, but I hope ALL of them cheat on you (like many have in the past), and I hope several of them give you STD's. Nothing fatal, just the painful, incurable kind that comes and goes. And I hope every time you discover that your girl is cheating on you, you think back to that time when you cheated on me instead of just dumping me.

Because I wouldn't have cheated on you, but you didn't pick me, did you?

-Tennessee

P. S. I think I deserve mad props from both of you. See, you two would have never met if it weren't for me! I think both of you should be worshipping me for helping you find your soulmate - even if it was on the wave of heartbreak. Instead, both of you got all butthurt about the situation and demanded I say nice things about you and congratulate you. Well, fuck you and your pretentiousness. I hope you make each other miserable.

P. P. S. Okay, I might've cheated on you, given the opportunity. What can I say? You're the kind of guy that's easy to cheat on!





Dear Ex Husband, I am so sorry that your AC went out yesterday and that your parents are taking their time to fix it. I'm sorry that your precious "customers" will be hot when they come to buy a dime bag. Oh and thanks for bragging about not having to pay rent in the house that we bought together while we are paying 500 for a house 1 street over. I hope you fry and melt into a douche puddle. Love, your Ex Wife

-Arkansas



Dear Ex Boyfriend,

Thanks so much for jizzing in my eye and breaking up with me in the shower 15 mins later.  That was so considerate of you to let me wash it out with water instead of tears.  I put everything I had into our relationship and it still failed.  The only thing that gives me joy is knowing that your new wife will probably blow up like a whale when she gets pregnant, and that she will try to control you for the rest of your life.  I hope you are miserable and I hope she gains 150 pounds.
Love, Your Ex Girlfriend

p.s.  I faked it the entire time we were together. 

-Arkansas

Dear Ex Wife....

Dear Ex-Wife*,

Why in the hell would I send you $1000 a month for one child? I know that the only reason you need that money is because the couch caved in cause your fat ass is always on it watching TV with the 8 programs your record a day on the DVR. And I also know that your new boyfriend just got out of prison and is looking for some drug money so that he can go back to his old ways of using and abusing. Or maybe he needs the money for the anal relapse surgery from all the showers he took in there. Doesn't have to strain on the toilet anymore does he? Probably doesn't even touch the sides on the way out before splashdown.

So if you think that you need this money any more then those underpriveleged children do that I donate to weekly, then you are dead wrong. I'm also donating money to those dancers on Friday nights. I feel sorry that those girls have to get naked to work their way through college, so I'm giving them money in hopes that they'll put their clothes back on and find a better life. Sure it costs hundreds of dollars everytime I go, but if that's the cost of doing something that feels right, then I hope I'm bankrupt.

And why is he always crying because you call him stupid cause he doesn't have one good grade on his report card? Stop telling him that you got straight A's in school when you were younger. The only thing your fatass got an A in was "Lunch". How do you get an F in P.E.? 75% of the tests in that class were written, all you had to do was study. I could see if they were mostly physical tests. Hell, you had to take a nap after tying your shoes.

Hopefully you get your life in order. I'm not going to pay you one more dollar than what was agreed upon.

*I don't have an ex, nor do I plan on getting a divorce. But if something ever happened, then this would be the most likely situation.

-Michigan

Dear Ex Husband....

Dear ex-husband,

I understand that you are low on cash. I also understand, though I find it unbelievably stupid, that you and your child of a girlfriend are expecting a baby in just a few weeks. What I cannot understand is how you knew your son's birthday was coming up, yet, not only could you not be a part of his birthday party in any way, you couldn't even be bothered to actually spend his birthday with him in a productive way. No twelve-year-old should come home making excuses for his father:

"Dad couldn't get me a birthday present, because he had to fill his girlfriend's prescription."
"Dad and I didn't really do anything together on my birthday except for talk a little bit, because he was tired."
(Even though dad couldn't be bothered to spend time with him) "Dad said I couldn't have anybody over, because that was his time to spend with me for my birthday."

I find it so disheartening that you are bringing another child into this world when you can't take care of the child you have, not to mention that you are doing this with a woman you don't want to be with in the first place.

Love,

Your ex-wife


-Arkansas


Dear Ex-Husband, Please refrain from texting me about you getting a hummer from Mexicunt and her new girlfriend. And about how you want your old girlfriend back. I dont care. And neither does she. Love, your Ex-Wife

-Arkansas

Dear ex-husband,

If I had any doubt in my mind as to why I left you, it was resolved last Christmas. I graciously agreed to transport the gifts you continue to purchase for MY family to our holiday gathering in Mississippi. Upon opening my trunk, I realized that you had wrapped the entire family's gifts in some cartoonish Star Wars wrapping paper. There's a difference between being a fan of the movie and being freakishly wierd about it...I foolishly thought that my ending our marriage due to your immaturity might kinda give you a clue, however, it appears I was sadly mistaken. Thanks for reaffirming my decision to leave was the right one!! And by the way, you've remarried...so stop bothering my brother and his wife for their attention. Go bother your OWN family!! May the force be with you...dumbass!!!

 

-Arkansas

Dear Ex-Husband

Dear ex,
No, no, and hell no will I ever give you any money when you can't even pay me a dime in child support. If you are so broke then get off your ass and get a second job or a better paying job instead of spending 4 hours a day at the gym working on your abs. Better yet, why don't your girlfriend do something instead of eating donuts all day. FYI- if you had asked instead of telling me then I would have atleast thought about it instead of being a bitch.
Sincerely, your ex wife


-Arkansas

Dear Ex Husband

Dear Ex Husband, Please dont send me a picture of a half naked (SLEEPING!!) girl in your bed. I dont care what you sleep with, as long as it isnt me. What did you want? My approval? I pity her actually, and I bet she was pretending to be asleep so she wouldnt have to open her eyes and see you so early in the morning. God knows, I've done it. Love, Your Ex Wife

Arkansas

Dear ExHusband, When your son tells you that one of your exes that you stalked for forever after the break up moved into the neighborhood, dont grill him and make him ride with you all over the neighborhood just to look for her car. You suck, she ended it, its over. And dont drag our son into your desperate attempt to get laid. You are alone for a reason and he's figuring out why. Love, your Ex Wife

Arkansas

Dear ex, please stop coming over at 3:30 am (while your new gf and child are asleep at home) to try and get you some nooky....thats the same reason why I threw ur butt to the curb and I have NO desire to catch anything from your ass...btw my vibrator does a better job anyways....sincerely, battery-satisfied ex wife....
Arkansas

Welcome to Dear Ex

Do you have an Ex that is so horrible, so stupid, or just down right mean?  Here's your chance to vent! No names just states please.  Please send your letters to dearex2011@yahoo.com.  Thanks!